


Damn Close

by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Torture, Waterboarding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-24 21:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22324846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice
Summary: Steve's still stunned everytime Tony gets taken. Some part of him thinks he should be expecting it by now given that it's happened at least a dozen times over the last three years they've worked together. It's almost like their enemies don't understand that Tony's a superhero now and that, even if he wasn't, he has a whole team of other superheroes that would come to get him regardless. Really, they should know better. But they don't and he still gets taken on the regular and it all feels so much worse now that they're dating.The usual frisson of energy that those words elicit in him doesn't come.Tony gets kidnapped. Steve gets mad. Bad things happen to the kidnappers. Nobody feels bad about it.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 119
Collections: POTS (18+) Stony Stocking 2019





	Damn Close

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [athletiger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/athletiger/pseuds/athletiger) in the [stony_stocking_2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/stony_stocking_2019) collection. 



> For athletiger's prompt:
> 
> _Steve or Tony gets kidnapped and tortured, the other person finds him. Established relationship, caring after aftermath of torture (PTSD, nightmares, shaking?)_
> 
> Enjoy my dear!

Steve's still stunned everytime Tony gets taken. Given that it's happened at least a dozen times over the last three years they've worked together, some part of him thinks he should be expecting it by now. It's almost like their enemies don't understand that Tony's a superhero now and that, even if he wasn't, he has a whole team of other superheroes that would come to get him regardless. Really, they should know better. But they don't and Tony still gets taken on the regular and it all feels so much worse now that they're dating.

The usual frisson of energy that those words elicit in him doesn't come.

It's only been a few months, but the thought of losing Tony is already too much for Steve to bear. He'd lost so much when he'd woken up in the 21st century and Tony, for all that they'd gotten off on the wrong foot, had been one of the things to make it all okay. To make this new century something worth his time and his breath and his life. Losing Tony would devastate him.

Not that they will. He's going to be fine. He always is.

He'd put Nat in charge as soon as they realized what was going on. No one had batted an eye. None of them would ever accuse him of being uncompromised when the issue at stake was Tony's safety.

So Nat's on point and he's just following orders and they all know he's going to be going straight for Tony when the time comes. There's no way he's going to sit back and watch and wait until they get to him through the usual channels. He's going to knock every fucking goon on their ass the second he sees them and he's going to drag Tony out of there and then maybe lock him in their bedroom so he can't ever be taken like this again.

Well. It's a thought.

There's a hand at his elbow. He doesn't mean to startle, but he's so caught up in his thoughts and Nat can be so silent when she wants to that it was probably inevitable. He swallows and looks down at her.

"You ready for this?"

Steve sets his jaw and nods.

"Steve. Seriously. He can't afford you flying off the rails. We need you on your game."

Steve looks away. "I'm not going to lose him, Nat. I'm not."

Nat's fingers don't twitch against his elbow, but he can feel the slight tension in them. He doesn't think anyone else would be able to, but he's so tense and so attuned to everything around him that he can't help but notice. "Alright, Steve. If you say so." Her voice is too soft. Too gentle.

It hurts more than if she'd snapped.

Steve closes his eyes and tries not to let it hurt. They're going to get Tony back. They have to. He won't survive it if they don't.

* * *

The base where AIM is holding Tony is in a clearing in the middle of a goddamn forest, and Steve wants to tear the whole thing to shreds to get to him. But he doesn't. He stays and he waits and he doesn't speak. He's not in charge here.

At Nat's orders, Steve isn't the first one into the base. She and Clint sneak in first while he and Thor are on standby just past the line of the woods that surround the base. Bruce is on standby in the quinjet doing his deep breathing exercises to keep the Other Guy at bay. He's not quite as compromised as Steve is, but it's a close thing. Everyone's tense and on edge the way they are any time one of their own as been taken, but Steve knows they're all being even more careful than usual because of him.

He's grateful. He just can't think about it much beyond that.

Clint's voice crackles over coms. " _Cap, Thor. We've got eyes on the cell where they're keeping him. It's not gonna be easy getting in there. We're gonna need all you guys have._ "

" _Get in as far as you can as quiet as you can,_ " Nat says. " _We don't want them on the defensive if we can help it._ "

Steve tightens his grip on his shield. He's not going to relish snapping a few bones on his way in, but he's going to enjoy it more than he should.

" _And Cap?_ " That's Nat again.

"Yeah?"

" _Keep your wits about you. These guys are tougher than we thought._ "

Steve can hear what Nat isn't saying. They've done something — something to Tony — that she thinks is going to send him flying off the handle. He swallows. The point is to get Tony out safe. The point is to protect him, not retraumatize him. He can do that. He can do this.

For Tony.

Steve nods. "Roger that, Widow."

He doesn't have to hear Nat's sigh of relief to know that she's grateful he's not pushing the issue.

When the call comes for him and Thor to come in guns blazing, Steve doesn't let himself think of anything beyond getting Tony out. Clint's taking out every goon he can set his sights on and Nat's dropped down from some ungodly height to join the fray. She's shouting directions at Steve, and he goes without questioning. She's leading him to Tony, and that's what matters. It's a matter of moments before he's standing in front of a bank of cells. Only one has its solid steel door shut. That alone set Steve's blood boiling, and all it takes is two shots of his shield against it before the door is yielding to his fury and handing him Tony on a silver platter.

Or not, as the case would seem.

Steve's body moves before his mind has fully registered what he's seeing. There's brain matter on the wall and blood in the water and Tony on his back, still and unmoving, all in the space of an instant because they'd been fucking _waterboarding him_ and Steve can't breathe.

Hah. _Steve_ can't breathe.

The thought brings no mirth. Instead Steve's on his knees next to Tony checking for breath, checking for a pulse. He finds one — _thank god_ — but not the other and for a second he thinks his own heart is going to stop at the realization. He tilts Tony's had back, clearing the airway, but there's still nothing, no easy rise and fall of his chest, no calming push pull, nothing nothing nothing and Steve doesn't even think. He just leans down and breathes life into Tony's lungs.

The response is instantaneous. Tony's gagging and surging up against him. Steve only just manages to get out of the way and turn Tony's head to the side so he can cough up all the water in his lungs. Steve chokes on a sob that Tony blessedly doesn't hear over the sound of his own retching. Steve keeps his hand mostly steady against Tony's back as he soothes him through the worst of it, and if Tony feels the fine trembling of Steve's fingers, he doesn't mention it.

Steve doesn't risk saying anything, doesn't risk trying to comfort him. Frankly he's too fragile himself to offer any sort of comfort. But he keeps his hands on Tony and he anchors him to the world and that has to be enough. It has to be.

* * *

It isn't until they're back at the tower that Steve takes the time to piece together what had happened on the way back to the jet. Getting out of the base had been a damn sight easier than getting in was, and that's saying something. Thor and Nat had taken one look at Tony, cradled in Steve's arms half-conscious, and cleared a path to the door. Steve hadn't looked back to see what state they left the rest of the AIM agents in. He hadn't quite cared at the time. He still doesn't care.

He vaguely remembers warning Bruce about what state Tony had been in before joining him on the quinjet. Grim though his features had been, Bruce at least hadn't gone too green around the gills at the sight of Tony. The flight back had been quiet and solemn. Clint had even deigned to leave the jet on autopilot for a good portion of the flight so he could sit with everyone else staring at the slow rise and fall of Tony's chest.

The whole thing leaves Steve sick to his stomach. He's as frozen as the rest, watching Tony breathe. His eyes are moving under his closed eyelids, his fingers twitching as he sleeps. He looks desperate in a way that Steve's so rarely seen him when he sleeps. Sure, there's been the odd nightmare, but Tony's told him about those. About the deep dark blackness of space, about the way his body had started to give up. About the way he'd stares up into the emptiness and felt, for the first time, small.

This isn't that.

This is something more visceral, more human. Not the larger-than-life hero that Tony shows the world, the one that holds them up on his shoulders. This is an old hurt, an old ache that Steve can't interpret or define. Something he doesn't know. Something he can't know without Tony's help.

Steve is utterly taken aback when they come to land on the helipad atop the Tower. He looks down at Tony's still-sleeping form and almost doesn't dare reach for him. His knees don't creak when he stands up, but he can feel the hint of a twinge there that makes the whole thing just a little more real. He takes the steps toward Tony and slips his hands under his shoulders and knees to pull him into his arms. Tony's head tips against Steve's shoulder. Steve can't feel Tony's breath through the kevlar of his suit, but it's a near thing. He keeps his eyes on the rise and fall of Tony's chest, the only reminder he has that Tony's okay. Or, as okay as he can be. That he's alive, at least.

"Cap." Steve turns to look at Nat. "Fury wants a debrief."

For an instant, Steve thinks about refusing Fury, about demanding that he take his debrief and shove it up his ass. But that's always been more Tony's arena than his. He sighs. "Only if he comes to the Tower."

Nat raises an eyebrow.

Steve shakes his head. "I'm not going over to headquarters when Tony's in this state. If he wants his debrief he's coming over here."

The smile Nat gives him is small and private and gone in an instant. "Roger that, Cap. Meet you in the conference room?"

Steve nods, letting his gaze fall back on Tony's form. His feet find their way across the helipad and into the common floor without breaking stride. Then it's into the elevator that opens without him needing to speak a word before it spirits them up to the penthouse. Steve lowers Tony onto their bed, scarcely daring to let him go. He forces himself to, though, and to strip him out of the wet, dirty button-down and slacks he's still wearing. He hadn't even been gone that long, really.

Steve shakes his head, fighting off the thought. Any amount of time is too long. Tony's too important— too _precious_ to lose.

Tony comes awake a little as Steve eases him into a set of pajamas. He blinks up at Steve sleepily, something lost and distant in his expression. "Steve?"

"Hey, Tony," Steve says, meeting Tony's soft tone with one of his own.

"Y'kay?"

"I'm fine." Steve pushes Tony's dark, damp hair back from his face. "It's you I'm worried about."

Tony hums, leaning into Steve's hand. He turns and kisses the base of Steve's palm. "'M fine."

Steve's heart clenches. He leans forward and kisses Tony's forehead. "You're really not," he mumbles against the skin there.

Tony hums again. He goes a little limp in Steve's arms. "Tired."

"I know, baby." Steve kisses Tony's temple. "Sleep. I'll be here."

"Y'got... debrief...."

Steve hums, kissing Tony's lips. "I'll be just a few floors away."

Tony nuzzles up against Steve's kiss, not really kissing so much as breathing the same air. "Love you."

"Love you too, baby."

Tony nods, sighs, and goes heavy in Steve's arms. Steve eases him back down onto the bed, running his fingers through Tony's wet hair again. Steve lets himself lie down on the bed beside him, fingers ghosting over Tony's face. He's still cold, and Steve tries not to shudder at the thought of what might have happened if he'd been even a second later. It was too close. Way too close.

He waits there, fingers on Tony's skin, trying to infuse some of his own excess warmth into Tony's chilled skin. He wants so desperately to see Tony look up at him, those warm brown eyes that destroy him so completely simply by existing, but he doesn't dare wake his lover either. He needs his rest.

" _Cap? Fury's here._ "

Steve closes his eyes. anchoring himself to the feel of Tony's skin under his fingertips, Tony's breath on his palm. He has to hang onto this. He has to—

" _Cap?_ "

"Roger that, Romanoff," Steve whispers. He leans in and presses a kiss to the corner of Tony's eyes before he slips out of bed and to his feet. His throat goes tight as he stares down at Tony, but he forces himself to swallow past that and speak. "JARVIS?"

"Yes, Captain Rogers."

"Let me know when he wakes up."

"Of course, Captain Rogers."

With the AI's assurance, Steve lingers for only a moment longer before he slips out of their bedroom.

Steve barely listens to the debrief, his mind focused on the man sleeping three floors above them.

"And where is Stark?"

It's Tony's name that snaps Steve back into the moment. He frowns at Fury, but Nat cuts in before he can say anything. "Resting, sir. He wasn't in the best shape when we found him.."

Fury turns to Steve, raising his eyebrow. "Captain? You have something to say to that?"

Steve's jaw works and he tries not to say anything that'll get him benched if something like this ever happens to Tony again. "No, sir."

"Because you've been awfully quiet all through this debrief."

Steve grits his teeth. "Don't have much to add, sir."

Fury hums, looking at him speculatively. "That so."

"Yessir."

Fury nods, turning to look over at Nat. "And you said Stark was...?"

"In a cell with a few of the AIM agents."

"One," Steve cuts in. "There was one."

Fury swings his gaze over to Steve. "Come again?"

"There was only one agent in there with him."

"One that Steve took down so he could get Stark out of there," Nat cuts in smoothly.

Fury doesn't look away from Steve. "And you took him down how, exactly, Captain?"

 _I shattered his skull against the wall and would have ripped his heart out of his chest if I hadn't had more pressing things to worry about._ "Appropriately."

A muscle twitches in Fury's jaw. "Captain—"

"Captain." Steve's blood runs cold at the sound of JARVIS's voice. "Sir requires your assistance."

Steve doesn't even wait for Fury to acknowledge the interruption. He just leaps to his feet and races to the elevator that's already opening for him.

Steve's heart is beating a tattoo against his ribcage, and Steve can't quite find it in himself to stop the nervous shifting from foot to foot. He's out the door like a shot when it opens to the penthouse. When he skids into the bedroom it's to see Tony with his head between his knees as JARVIS talks him down from what looks like a panic attack.

Steve's heart aches. He gets as close to Tony as he dares before he goes to his knees and drops down to Tony's level for the rest of whatever exchange will come. He waits until there's a break in the AI's calming instructions to announce his presence. "Tony?"

Tony looks up at him, pupils blown wide with terror. His face is pale and he can't seem to focus his gaze on Steve's features. "Steve?"

"Yeah, Tony. It's me. I'm right here. You're safe."

Tony chokes on a sob. "Steve, I—"

Steve shakes his head, worrying that he's just undone all of JARVIS's work to get Tony de-escalated. "It's okay, Tony. Whatever it is, it's okay."

"Not, not okay Steve, I— I—"

The hitching in Tony's breath and words has Steve's heart clenching in his chest. "I know, Tony. But you're okay. I swear, you're okay."

Tony closes his eyes, fingers clenching in his hair as he shakes his head. "I shouldn't— I didn't— I shouldn't—"

Steve wants so desperately to speak, to tell Tony that he's okay, that everything's okay, but he can't find the right words, can't find the confidence. He knows too that Tony does better when he's given time to think, to process his own emotions without being forced to speak too soon. So Steve holds his tongue and lets Tony breathe.

"I— I'm too weak."

Red coats Steve's vision for the space of two breaths. He forces himself to calm down before he speaks. When he does, it's with a whisper-soft voice for their ears only. "What makes you say that, baby?"

"Let— Let them get— get the jump on me."

"That wasn't your fault."

Tony shakes his head. "Should've— should've been better. Should've been stronger."

"You are, Tony. You're so—"

"Not strong, Steve. They— they knew."

When Tony doesn't elaborate, his harsh breaths the only sound in the room, Steve forces himself to ask. "Knew what?"

Tony purses his lips and shakes his head, fingers tightening in his hair. Steve wants to reach out for him, to take his hands and wrap him up in all his warmth, but he knows Tony well enough to know that enclosing him is a one-way ticket to losing his trust. So Steve stays there, kneeling on the ground in front of Tony and wishing to high heaven that his knees would start to go sore. Something— anything to make the way he's kneeling before Tony any more real. Anything to feel even a fraction of Tony's pain.

"Tony." The name feels forced from his lungs, the last chance he has to say or do anything to reach out to Tony. "Please."

Tony clenches his eyes shut even tighter, trembling in front of him. He shakes his head.

Steve wets his lips, his throat suddenly unbearably dry. "You have to know... Tony, you have to know that nothing you say will make you any less in my eyes. Nothing." A sob punches out of Tony's chest. Steve leans into that, hoping the sound is a good thing. "You are the man I love, Tony. Nothing you say is going to change that."

"Don't— don't— don't be so sure."

"Nothing, Tony."

"Afghanistan." Tony goes still as soon as he utters the word, as though he hadn't expected it. He looks up at Steve with something desperate in his eyes. Steve only just manages to school the horrified look he knows must be on his face before Tony meets his gaze. "Afghanistan."

"Afghanistan," Steve confirms. His mouth is dry. "What about it?" He thinks he already knows. He's not sure if it will be better or worse to hear the confirmation from Tony's lips.

Something in Tony's face hardens, as though he thinks he knows what Steve's doing and isn't sure if he's grateful or pissed off. "They. They did the same thing. When I. When I was. They did the same thing when I was in Afghanistan."

Steve waits until he's pretty sure Tony isn't going to continue before he asks. "The waterboarding?"

Tony shuts his eyes and shudders, his whole body going limp as he slumps forward into Steve's arms. It's confirmation enough, but Tony turns and breathes a single word against Steve's suit. "Yes."

Steve has to be supremely careful as he wraps his arms around Tony. The last thing he needs right now is to crush Tony accidentally. He goes as slowly as he dares, not wanting to surprise Tony. Desperate to give him every ounce of autonomy that he can. As soon as his arms close around Tony, Tony slumps against him even more, slipping onto his knees on the floor in front of Steve. Steve takes it as permission, tightening his hold around Tony. It's tight enough to bruise, tight enough to be very kind of proof that Tony could ever— would ever want. Tony grasps weakly at Steve's hips, trying to hold on with whatever he has. He's not crying, just shaking in Steve's arms, but that's fine; Steve's crying enough for both of them.

"Tony," Steve whispers. "Tony, God, I... _God_ , Tony, I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. Not now, not then, not ever. You didn't— you _don't_ — God, Tony."

Tony laughs wetly. "We both know that's not true, Cap, but I'm glad you think so."

Steve crushes Tony to him. "Not Cap right now," he whispers. "Just Steve. Just a man in love."

Tony chokes on his breath, reaching up to clasp at Steve's kevlar covered shoulders. "Steve, I—"

"It's okay, Tony. Whatever you need. I swear, Tony. I'm here."

"But you weren't."

Steve closes his eyes, burying his nose in Tony's hair. "Never again, then. Never again. You're stronger than any of us, but that doesn't mean you should have to be strong on your own. I'm right here, Tony. Whenever you need me. For as long as you need me."

Tony burrows in closer against Steve. "Promise?"

Steve doesn't hesitate. "Promise."

Tony shakes his head. "You don't know what you're agreeing to, Cap."

"I know enough."

"I'm _broken_ , Steve. You know that, right? I'm broken."

Steve pulls back, cupping Tony's face in his hands. "You're not broken. You aren't. You never were. You're a little battered on the edges, maybe, but who of us isn't?" Tony laughs weakly. Steve doesn't try to shake the disbelief out of his bones, but only because he knows it would hurt more than help. "You're a hero, Tony, more than anyone has ever wanted to admit except this team. You have saved the city— the country— the _world_ more times than I can count. You're a hero, Tony, and being a little bruised on the inside doesn't make you any less of one."

"Steve. Come on. I know you don't believe that."

Steve looks down at him, eyes bright and harsh. "You really think that?" Tony blinks. "Do you think I'm a lesser man because I flinch any time I hear a train go by?"

"Yeah, okay, but Bucky—"

"How about the way I refuse to go out with anything less than thirteen layers of clothing on in January? Does that make me less?"

"That's different; the ice—"

"No, Tony. It isn't different. This is who we are. We're heroes, yes, but we're also human. We're human, and that's what keeps us honest. Keeps us real. You get that, right? That this is who we are, and that that matters. That that counts."

Tony looks away. Steve almost grabs him by the chin and pulls him back around to look around him, but he holds back at the last instant. "It's not the same."

"Bullshit it isn't."

"You're a soldier, Steve. You're _allowed_ to—"

"To what? To have PTSD?" Tony jerks in his arms, turning wide eyes on Steve at the pronouncement. "I know enough, Tony. I've heard and read and understand enough. I know what it is. I know enough. And I know I'm not the only one in this relationship that has it."

Tony looks away.

Steve wonders for a second if he's gone too far. But then Tony turns back to him, eyes wide and bright. "You're sure?"

Steve's heart breaks. "I've never been more sure of anything in my life, Tony. Never."

Tony stares at him for a lingering moment before face planting into Steve's shoulder. "Alright."

Steve's heart goes tight. He curls around Tony, fingers in his hair as he presses a kiss to his temple. "You're gonna be okay, Tony. I know it. And when you're not, I'll still be here at your side. I swear it."

Tony nods, still trembling, and presses his face harder against Steve's chest. "Okay."

Steve runs his fingers through Tony's hair until Tony tilts his head back to smile up at him. The expression is small and uncertain, but it's there, and Steve holds onto that as best he can.

Tony presses up and kisses his lips. "Come to bed with me?"

Steve can't shake the relief the question sparks in his chest. "Of course."

"Just do me a favor first."

"Anything."

Tony's smile is soft. "Lose the uniform? I want to go to bed with my boyfriend Steve Rogers, not his handsome alter ego."

Steve buries his face in Tony's shoulder. Tony's not better, but he's getting there. And when, four hours later, he feels Tony go rigid in his arms in his sleep, Steve's right there to ease Tony out of the depths of his nightmares and remind him that he's safe. It isn't everything he wants for Tony — for both of them — but it's damn close.

That will have to do for now.


End file.
